Here is the third and final installment of my personal stories about heading to college, in college, and after college.
If you missed my last posts, you can click on the non-story posts tab or go to my main page to find the other installments there.
If you have kept up with some of my other personal posts, you will note that my Midnight Adventure and Everything Changes posts do cover what was happening in my life directly after college. If you would like to know more about that time frame, give those a read as this post will not be addressing what happened then but what is happening right now in my life. You can also find those posts under my non-story tab.
The New Normal:
Over the last few days, I have been thinking long a hard about what I wanted this post to be about. So much in my life changed so quickly, I have been dealing with the aftershocks for the past few weeks.
I also have a hard time writing reflective thoughts about what is happening to me right here and now. I am much better at looking at the past and seeing how my life fits together than looking at the present.
Yet, what I do know is that my life has begun to find stability in its new normal. I am extremely blessed to have found a full-time job right in the middle of the chaos impacting the whole world. While working my job requires me to be up extremely early most mornings, I am truly humbled that I can make money and still have time for my writing on the side.
Emotionally, I have only just begun to process how much has changed for me over the past five years. Strangely, I am not that far removed from where I began my journey. I am working in the same place with some of the same people, living with my family, and haunting the same places I did before college began.
Although, it is different. Very different. I am different.
In my first post, I explained how before college I was overwhelmed with questions about why I felt so empty all the time. I felt lost, adrift in what I thought I believed. I thought I had figured everything out Christianity wise, and that scared me because I knew something was still missing in me.
These feelings have faded, replaced with the knowledge and understanding I gained not only at Bible College, but also over time. I could write volumes about what I learned at Bible College, but the one super important life-changing message which switched up my thinking and my feelings of being lost was this:
“What true Christianity is, is stronger than any other belief system. It has survived the test of time, it can be a part of any culture, it connects believers from the past, present, and future together into a global universal family. Christianity is not about finding internal peace through your own power, but finding peace within the power of Christ.”
These words are a summary of what finally brought peace to my heart and an answer to my questions.
Now; have I never felt empty or afraid since then? On the contrary, there are often times I have severe insomnia and panic because of those same feelings. Yet, what has changed is my depth to what I believe and the trust I have in Christ. When I am overwhelmed by thoughts of fear and chaos, I now cling even harder to what I know to be true, that the voice who sent me to college, who helped me with my decision about baptism, is always here. He has not left me.
I have heard it said that knowledge is power, but I also think that knowledge can provide peace. I know that I went to college for a reason, I know that what I learned in both colleges will impact me until the day I die and finally, I know that the one who sent me has not given up on me.
Which means He has not given up on you. So don’t give up on Him.
Loss and Rediscovery:
One of the biggest changes that happened after I left college, is I left behind my college friends who had been a core part of my college life. It has been a hard change not being able to walk out of my dorm room and just go hang out with people. Sadly, because of the college shutting down, our parting was very abrupt and I know that with some of my friends, I may never hang out with them in person. (Read my Everything Changes post for more details.)
Something I have had to learn throughout college is, that just because you don’t see someone every day, does not mean they are not your friend anymore. Luckily, with the age we live in, online hanging out is a possibility. Yet, I still mourn for the loss of the time I would have gotten to spend with my friends up to and during graduation week.
With my now semi-abundant free time after work, I have been focusing on not only connecting with my friends, but also working to revive my dream of becoming an author.
All through college, I stated that I wanted to publish a book, but honestly never had the time or the patience to achieve that goal. Yet, if you are reading this, welcome to my first step down that road!
During college, I was told by many professors that I should start a blog and just start writing and don’t stop. I did try once during college to start a blog, but I realized that between work and homework, there was no way I could dedicate the time needed for writing.
So this is my new path to rediscovering my love for writing and my goal of becoming an author. I work during the early hours of the morning and then for the rest of the day I have tried to create a schedule that will allow me to write.
To be honest, if my life had not changed so quickly, I am not sure I would have ever started writing. I was stuck in a mindset that nobody would like what I wrote, but kind readers like yourself have proved me wrong!
Heading into the next chapter of my life I wish I could say for sure what it is going to look like, but if there is anything I have learned over the past few months, it is that I have no clue how my life is going to go. So, I am just going to take it one day at a time and do the best I can to keep writing and learning even more about what I believe!
Thank you for reading through this post, I realize it was not as exciting as the past two, but I am very glad you gave it a read! In the future, I will try to tell more centralized stories about my life instead of large chunks, I think it might help me go into more detail. Also, be looking for more story/poem posts here soon!